chip

I got a new crush. He is sparkling and mysterious.

His name is Chip.

He borders between naïve and what you called sexy. But hey I don’t hear the cats meowing for him.

He is admirable. No he is more than admirable, he is disarmingly addictive.

And I am enjoying what I am feeling for him.

But I’m afraid because a part of me started to stalk him, a part of me wonders why he didn’t reply, a part of me stares too long on his lovely face when is around.

Ohh if you could only see him, the way he beams, those small gestures his lips paint on his face and eyes that vanish when he laughs.

There are times I like to flirt with him, but then…a screaming NO. Hindi pwede eh.

Now I feel I am a sailboat near the storm front.

This feeling I have right now, I thought I lost it. I thought I was cynical and I really thought I have evolved into something scary.

But having known Chip is a refreshing realization. Yes, he is a refreshing companion.

But I cannot make my move on Chip, because the timing is improper.

Two nights ago, I break down actually because I am guilt stricken. Maybe I don’t deserve this good feeling I feel lately. I’m all messed up. But this thing I have for Chip was something I’ve felt a long time ago with Mandy or Shin when I first saw them, alam mo yun, the kind of high I am willing to succumb to. (I also fell for Haifa and KB, but not just as intense but whether you would believe me or not, I loved them with what I know. But I don’t asked you to believe me. I’m not altogether bad when were together but it was the way I let go and say goodbye that they will remember the most. My bad. =(

But I am moving on and I know I will get by. It may not be that easy but I hope those I’ve hurt  will be able to forgive me and hopefully forget what I’ve done.

Embarassing though but I have to admit I’m angry with myself. I’m also seeking reason on how to forgive myself. There are times I like to scream because I can’t contain my resentment and it’s affecting my normal way of life.

Sigh.

But anyhow, Chip made me realize without him knowing of course that he helped me to send me back where I was before.

I’m already out of the storm, but I’m still beside it. I hope the ‘drama addict’ in me will be able to hold onto himself and help me sail on the shore.

Hey Chip, in time I’ll made this journal public, and when that time comes, I like you know I want to ask you out. You’re clumsy and those stupid facial expression you made.. hay it drives me crazy. Every time I look into your eyes, you’ve already cost me one sleepless night at inaabangan ko ang twitter updates mo at kung may reply ka. Ewan, lakas tama eh.

Yun nga, di ako makaporma, una kasi komplikado ang buhay mo for sure. Pangalawa, takot ako. Takot ako mabasted at makarma. Takot ako sa sasabihin ng mga tao, at takot ako na baka kung sumugod ulet ako sa bagyo. Ikatlo, may common friends na tayo at ayoko mawala ang bond natin bilang magkakatropa. Ikapaapat aware ako na may gusto sa iyo ang ex ko at alam ko nagdate na kayo. =) Ikalima, nireresolba ko muna ang mga issues ko para just in case na single ka pa in time na ready na ako, liligawan kita. Pero ayoko naman i-pre-empt ang mga bagay-bagay. Susuportahan kita kung saan ka masaya at for sure malalaman ko din ang para sa akin pagdating ng panahon. Pang-anim chinito ka eh, may trauma na ako sa mga chinito…hehe. at pang 7 ay tyak di mo ako magugustuhan..ewan feeling ko lang hahaha.

Hay Chip kung alam mo lang kung gaano ka ka-disarming ang ngiti mo. Sayang muntik ng tumama ang fearless prediction nang Pharmacist na in the next month daw ay magkakaroroon ulet ako ng bagong complication. Tama andun ka nga ng sinabi nya yun.

Pangatlong beses pa lang yata kita nakakasama noon ng sinabi ng Pharmacist yun. At di pa kita gusto nun.

Pero ng nagvolunteer ka na magbigay ng dugo sa kaopisina ko, wow!

Since then things went upside down. Nang marealize ko na gusto kita at hindi naman kita pwedeng kilalanin ng higit pa, nasaktan ako. Naalala ko sina Vouz at Haifa, mas nanaisin ko muna na sumaya sila at makalimot kesa ako ang unang makalimot ng mga nangyari dahil masaya na ako.

Masaya ako nakilala kita kasi, hindi pa pala ako ganun ka-cynical talaga pagdating sa love.

Today is January 29, 2010. Kahit di ko masabi na gusto kita, sasabihin ko naging masaya ako ng mga panahon na kasama kita at enough na yun, ang makaramdam ng pagtangi sa yo.

I wish you the best in life Chip.

driven

When I was about to enter college, I was leaning to pursue a pre-law course. A degree in psychology also appealed to me. However buildings and bridges belonged too to my interest.

My father always wanted a son for a lawyer, he might not told me but one could feel it. That’s why I took engineering.

There was a quiet issue between us back then, so I grabbed the bachelors that dealt with calculus, water resources and foundation designs.

Six years after getting my professional license, I wasn’t down somewhere in the province making sure macadam pavements be laid properly or in foreign shores managing pipelines. I don’t even end up designing trusses, rail beam reinforcements or storm drainage systems. I end up as a technical officer assisting people who have the same degree as mine.

The only consolation that keeps me grounded was the fact that I work for a company, which got almost half of the world’s major engineering projects.  I was lucky too because the company offers steps in terms of career development or even a shift in different fields like geology if I choose too. But it doesn’t give me the kick.

It seems my constant credo for working is that it pays the rent. It is. A practical reasoning, but it’s a flag of my independence declared a few years back.

It might sound I am ranting about the frailty of my decision. Generally I’m happy.

It makes me sometimes unsure of yourself though to find some people of my age financially successful or is an advanced stage of their careers. Like this IU, a blogger, I wished I have his drive and propelled myself in the corporate ladder.

Of course I started counting my days, I started enumerating dreams that should have been achieved. I’m 28, I’m no longer young. Funny, my common advice I solicit to friends and stranger alike doesn’t usually in operation when comes to me. I say to them, go as far as you can see and when you get there, you’ll see farther.

Why am I like this? Maybe because my family is not success oriented or driven. I read in order to know yourself better, you have to know the family history. How your father was raised or how your lola dealt with people. As far as this argument is concern, it is true we are not success oriented. My ate who finished and was a registered nurse was a homemaker. My next to the eldest sister or ditse, a grad of chemical engineering was also a housewife. My youngest sister (whom I was next to, a marketing graduate), she was at home, ain’t working for ages. My father since I was born didn’t have a job like most fathers but instead played the role as a househusband patriach. My nanay sew clothes and dresses. Her earnings feeds the family ever since.

Our values and set of morals also affects our decision. I for one is really afraid of having too much money, making decisions for other people and I hate expectations. Thus explain why I didn’t took a pre-law course.

Some people will call it pride.

So, is this a life live well?

I am now in another angle viewing myself, unfortunately, I don’t think so. =(

karete

para sa panahon na hindi na darating
para sa ala-ala na ayaw mo nang angkinin
mga kahilingan na hindi ko maiwasto
bakit ang dibuho ng buhay na ito biglang nagbago

kamusta kamusta
bakit muli mo itong sinasabi
ngayong dapit hapon na sa kwento natin dalawa
 
paalam paalam
ang iyong paalam maghapon namutawi
sa haligi ng pag-ibig na nawalan ng silbi

para sa panahon na baka sakaling dumating
para sa mga ala-ala na akin pala sa huli
mga kahilingan higit pa sa pangarap
bakit ang mga hibla ng buhay
hindi na maibabalik

*finally a poem after the longest time. written today (December 16, 2009). 4:42 PM Makati City

bad loveletters: the love that didn’t give courage

I listen as you toss your dreams in the sky and the rainbows are burning and I felt jealous and I felt left alone. Though I haven’t stop wondering what it really to takes to love someone like you. That one numbs me.

But second chances are mere surprises. Don’t blame me after I’ve said all I want to say and all that I wanted to be. I am not overlooking the possibilities. Run, running away, or runaway is all the same to me. Open your eyes because I can tell you’re wanting better days—not just a patch of illustrated flattened halo running along the locked lips of the heaven and earth in the horizon.

Why do you still keep them inside? Reckoning when something sacred to shine over the eternal eclipse you made. How you watch them all go in the in the open hills and forest floors, and now you are crying?

I didn’t say you were trying to hard when I thought you haven’t tried enough. I don’t want to be the one standing in front of your dreams. You can’t always turn your back when everything stops.

I cannot catch your fall. I am just not there: you didn’t lose me.

You are stronger than I am. It is always yours, not mine. You rather leave me now.

I have no path to follow today; I don’t intend to drag you along. But somewhere in the future I’ll find my own. (Don’t you understand or you’re just too blind to see that I’m searching for myself out there.) You’ve seen all my problems and you know it’s chaotic. And the two of us just make it worst. How come and why this love didn’t give us courage?

If ever tomorrow will have something new for us…I mean if ever we’ll meet again; you can tell it to my face how bad I am in the art of letting go. But I will say how disgusted I am when you cry.

But then somehow I am sure of one thing though that this day will be called “once.” That once I hoped that time makes us wiser…that once I fall in love to the one of the most beautiful person I’ve ever known who is also a dreamer like me.

*bad love letters.. are collections of fictional missives about love. September is love letter month in argunn.i.ph

bumalik kung saan ako dati: wala

Anong idadahilan ko sa aking mga pangarap?
Kung nahuli nila akong tinuturuan ang anino sa pader..
Paano iuntog ang sariling ulo; basagin ang sariling mukha.

Anong bibigkasin ko sa mga alikabok sa aking paa?
…na malapit na silang maging putik,
At hindi na muling makakasabay sa paglipad
ng mga saranggola

Kung ipapanganak ko silang muli
Baka magtampo ang mga luha,
Baka hindi na dumaloy,
hindi na ako damayan sa aking pag-iisa.

make us home

The day star in the little fog left
Like me, he was late in the avenue
Choke and sleepy
We don’t like the coffee warm
We like it cold
One that remind of vengeance
We like it sweet
A second chance
After the bitter try

The day star in the stripped sky
I was watching him watching me
It was just a glance, a million dollar smile
Abrupt and innocent
Though we like our smile to remain
We keep it that way
Something called envy
Our lack of content
After the hard try

The day star finishing the half hemisphere
We are both tire as we find our way out
Come undone we struggled
Rhythms of the night and the lovely sight
It belongs to you, it belongs to the moon
What greediness has is enough
Even if we stay
There’s still tomorrow
Hopefully no more try.

Written August 22, 2007 in Makati. The poem is actually about a love gone haywire, but in the end it finds home.

that once I died in my arms..

There are times to recover
Some moments to blame
I caress the cut my wrist

To open it like eyes readying to sleep
It’s the only way, the perfect way

To be carried in your dreams
In full blown beauty
And unearthed youth
No witness could hail

That once I died in my arms..

i remember the boy but…

Something happened today. 

I was sitting quietly on the mountains, actually I was in slumber. For the longest time, I was nothing, darkness and cold, mud embrace with mothers love. I wasn’t complaining it kept me alive.

Outside the carpet of trees, in the forest I heard timbers falling. Tons of dirt overhauled, boulders that pressed my body for thousand of years lifted in few seconds. Life was changing.

At first I thought it was a dream. I thought I’ll never see the sun, I heard of her and her graciousness. I felt her rays and she cuddled me with warmth.

Water washed my body.

Savageness was lost.

My nakedness admired.

I was found. Finally I was found.

For years, the curious explored my body, the way they explored continents and ocean, the way they drilled holes on the earth.

The wind told me, finally metals could fly.

My heart grew fonder.

Maybe I could soar too, like a bird made of steel.

But between the flashes of light and silence of the night, the children of men, figured out my mystery.

It was a revelation to all children of men and most importantly for me.

With speed of light, coupling before my sight, destroying before the substance of my being, the children of men said, great power could be released.

Then I find my cousin being cast around me, a mighty armor, and a tough shell. I had a new name, well finally I had a name.

Then my brother lifted me up in the air, I was so happy, there were clouds and birds, they were flying with me and my brother.

I tried to talk to my brother, but he was not responding.

I found it queer, even I couldn’t hear myself; I realized I was becoming somebody else.

Frozen.

Forsaken.

Just like my brother. I begun to forgot who I am.

In the greatest confusion of my life, my brother suddenly let go of my hand.

I told him not to leave. Oh please don’t leave.

My cousins who were my armor, they were not speaking. I thought they were crying.

On the other side of the world, I listened as the hearts of the children of men stopped.

I look down where I was heading.

I listened to the hearts of children of men in this part of the world, terror flowed in their veins, and ghost flickered in their eyes.

The power…the speed of light…my being…

I kissed the ground, and annihilate the earth that used to nourish me.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”

-Albert Einstein

*In August 06, 1945 the aircraft bomber Enola Gay detonated was called Little Boy in Hiroshima, Japan. It was the first atomic bomb used in civilian population.

In tradition:  2008-August-06, 2007-August-06 

the point vanishing

Again. Alone. Waiting, Knocking doors,
cold coffee, broken traffic lights, and airplanes.

I was reading your lyrics, watching your eyes closed while you sing somebody else’s song,
and the images you draw—you are affected.

Sunsets falling in the mountain, and the trains that cross makes you cry.
Even lone trees and a group of skyscrapers that reached out to heaven
but never kiss the sky compelled you to be sad.

Another sigh, wondering over a basket of apples, and rains rolling down on your window,
and the empty theater seats help you die.

Spilled ink in the paper, autumn leaves, old TV shows:
materials for hopeless knight like you

Can I ask you a question?

Would you tell me?

Why it has to be lonely and still, I mean for silly and hopeless romantic like you,
and still like it?

You see the beauty within but you never removed the painful shell.

Are all silly hopeless romantics sadist like you.

When will it be?

Instead of again, why not enough?

Instead of alone, together?

And instead of waiting, begin to live?

*The Point Vanishing was written September 20, 2006PM. It was a poem inspired by some of the songs and shows I love. Basically thigns that affects. It is also about love.

the last love poem of an insomniac

Look at this world it is changing,
Faster than the snowflakes that dries in your hands and
Kisses that lost warmth, skin that can no longer feel
Writers dying, saying goodbye to love.

Look at my eyes, they are falling asleep,
But cannot be tucked in this poem of somebody else’s dream.
Blossoming someday until the senses recover,
The resurrection and embrace of this silly line of the poet.

Promise me the fence will never grow tall.
Cast the spell that can erase the ocean of its cloud.
But don’t show me the road to be taken.
I have my own way. My love will seek you blind and hopeful.

So this last kiss will commence the change.
The end that truly ends and that means to end,
I wonder why we’re not crying though it is sadness that we exchange.

Ah yes I know now, the world is changing but love will remain the same.

I love you.

I love you so much that I need this sleep.

*written July 12 2006 2pm and I don’t where.

the longest love song

The few lines that stay
Between the heaves and breaks
The common thugs, the undecided pen
Succeeding every spaces and blank stare
Tonight, I’ll be writing the longest love song.

Deep thoughts that were sudden
Flashbacks of prayers granted
The tiny smiles and eyes not-flickered
The silence unbothered
As I collect
The sacredness–
Sacredness redeemed and given
This will be the longest love song of our time.

The breeze strolled two storeys below
My chimney whine, the night slept
Inspiration divine descending onto the paper
The sanctified no longer important
With this thugs, the pen decides
This is no immortal  love song to embody a heart
But the un-noticed hymn of a dying soul..

*Like most of my poems, I forgot to write down the place and date when I first scribbled this one. What transpired then, I was trying to write a lyrical poetry, but nothing came.

the instant pancit canton life

Sometimes I dream of living forever
and the universe is created for me..

Now I realized I might die young but
my body won’t vanished; too many preservatives.

Can I have one shot of the things that can make me real?
Something that will last forever, encapsulated in a moment.

Maybe once I feel the universe is mine.

Let me vanished.

Untraceable.

No more preservatives.

*I named my first blog “the instant pancit canton life”.

Lack of money to buy decent meals inspired the above poem and the defunct blog title. I was living for a day, almost for a week with instant pancit canton sustaining my diet a few years back. When I was mixing the ingredients, and saw the crystal granules I realized I was taking in too much preservative inside my body. Since then I barely eat that food stuff.

ardent passage: august is my poetry month

The author wishes to start a personal tradition, month long and occurring every August annually. It will be called Ardent Passage.

Ardent Passage celebrates the author’s competence to write poetry, whatever poetry and competence are. Lol. =)

For now he would collect his previous poems he published online and he would try to update his blog (Argunn) during the month of stuff he thought poetic.

So what is the purpose of this tradition? The most obvious is to force him to write more poems. Hehehe.

Other reason is to enrich the universe and mankind with things that inspires him, to harness his aspirations, feelings, defeats, triumphs and thoughts. Parang sagot lang sa beauty contest no?

But any rate the author will still blog and keep it up to date with latest musings and weird stuff that comes his way.

Oh by the way, I’m also declaring September as Love Letter Month but I have no title for it yet. Maybe I’ll nick it Bad Loveletters Transit.

If you will notice, August is the month when man first struck himself with atom bomb. (I know there were a lot of important events that happened in the other eleven months, but I have affectations for war and conflicts. I always believe that the best poets and writers experience the toughest of times.) All emotions and virtues are engaged when men are at matters of life and death, and war being the ultimate of these matters: hope, courage, faith, and of course love are put to the test of distance, and time.

September had the day when two skyscrapers collapsed. Ala lang, emo kasi ako. I think a lot of love was poured in month of September, think of the songs Tonight by FM Static and September (Wake Me Up) by Green Day.

As my parting words, let me recall an old line I used in my defunt blog, the instant pancit canton life.

Sometimes I dream of living forever
And that the universe was for me.

..paradise calling

I woke up this morning and greeted a few friends via sms.

I’ve typed, magandang umaga <insert name here>, another week, another try in paradise. Hahaha ma-emo na lunes.

With that sent to a few people, I readied myself going to my work.

A fair day today huh, I told myself, the moment I stepped out of the building apartment.

That same time, I saw a gay man, prolly around 6 feet tall, quite an atlethic frame most masculine PLUs would love to have as their own body, with long blond hair which requires much attention. I should’ve known it requires attention; by popular demand or by popular expectations of the society for a gay guy like me. Hair of homosexual, especially with effeminate penchant should be kept gorgeous always.

He was dressed in fitting pants running down just below his knees and topped with a girly sando. I’m not really aware what the proper names of those pieces of clothing are, but they all look worn to me. He has legs which needed much shaving. I was literally searching for more improvement for him fashion wise.

Trailing behind him, I was not really in a hurry, and I’m not really interested with him but what caught my fascination were the remarks made by the four old women approaching opposite our direction.

“Hindi natural..” The old woman in black dress stated, the very second they were side by side with the gay man on the street.

“Iba na talaga ang mundo ngayon. Hindi naman ganyan nilikha ng…”

The tone of their voices, the glare of their eyes… argghh!!

I didn’t really try to listen to those women. It was such a sad circumstance for a Monday morning.

After passing several meters away, the gay man look back behind him, it was actually a quick glance after the women who have had just blatantly exposed their prejudices and literally harassed him-and in behalf of people with alternative lifestyle.

Flipping his hair, then he strutted forward; in a natural flair that usddenly erased everyhting I thought about the enhancement to be done base on my popular definition for beauty. The steps he made are like fine stroll in this place we falter to remember and call paradise.

The gay man stopped in front of a mini-restaurant and brought in the heavy plastic bag full of puto, he was carrying in his strong arms.

Mandaluyong City|27 July 2009

you become someone else

I saw coffee stains on my heart, and the soul that took the sip watched the afternoon vanished into a beautiful evening without you.

Earlier, just before the sun settled into the bosom of the bay, I accompanied the clouds, together we wasted time, sketched the memories in the sky. You see, I was wondering about you.

But then, who are you?

the world after shakespeare

It is a familiar adventure whose appeal I thought was lost a long time ago. Finding a new partner is another. Reminding me of my g4m and downelink heydays.

Saturday, three days after my account was created, I put up a face and responded positively to two guys who had places where we can fuck our heads out. I waited and it felt like I was under a Siberian blizzard, though I’ve never been under any Siberian storm.

Nothing came. No messages on my phone. So much for nothing. Ha ha ha.

And also if not for the rain and the different parties I attended last weekend, I might find myself laid. My hormones are quite high, raging in fact. ONS or SEB could easily calm it.

But good luck and my sanity too is keeping my sexual instinct at bay. Albeit I did able to send out my number to several people as if it was up for grabs.*

Sex is the key intention why I created the account. If you think it’s a bad idea, I dunno, I have no judgment when it comes to it, call me liberated or whatever but it is a biological reality that gives me pleasure. Please drop your romantic notion of sex.

What is apparent, it so easy to trade flesh and sexually transmitted diseases.

My other intention though it really sounds cheesy..eeeh, to find a boyfriend. Haha now that is really a baaad idea. Lol. =)

Being there writing profiles and showing skin is a breeze, everything could appeal to the senses, from groin to so called-head but nothing and nothing could really be known.

In sites like this, we all easily fade away, we are like fireworks in the sky, we spark—but with no practical purpose to one another except fornication and admiration.

For now there are two things I want to remind everyone I might encounter: I am no good “bedwise,” so I asked them to drop the notion whether I fuck well or I am a good fuck.

Next is, clarifying to anyone who find me interesting that they never to think of me as a good boyfriend material yet. I got my advantages and disadvantages.

If I get to know someone new, or someone new get to know me, a little better beyond the borders of the said virtual place, I hope we could be good friends. No expectations. Just friends. Who knows what might come next di ba? No one.

(I am also telling these reminders to myself. Not to anticipate too much of anything. Just let things flow.) 

A man could kill
And steal
With the sweetest thing

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which kinda the same

I’m so glad you see crushed
My car gone insane
And it felt so good
I wanna do it again

-Buses and Trains/Bachelor Girl

I maybe in a place of collection of all sorts, and yes it is very efficient in finding hook ups, or love for that matter…

…but real life places like malls & schools, and virtual areas like blogs & social networking sites, well, they are also efficient in finding hook ups and again, love for that matter. So what’s the difference?

*I had have accepted invites to get laid this coming weekends, I gave my numbers to guys I want to have fun with..but then something came up.

Last a night, a question I asked a friend that I should be asking myself: Are you taking anti-depressant?

My friend remarked NO, but also informed me, however, he was canvassing the other day.

Sober, that was my reaction. But I didn’t express my soberness, I told him, he is my friend and all I can do is listen.

He assured me he is manageable. I believed him.

The soberness I felt, led me to question my own intent too.. you see, when I was creating my planet romeo account, gusto kong magwala. I am not surprised by my own answer, sex might be a pill that I was canvassing for. In the end, the fun would turn to useless memories. That one I can’t allowed to happen.

Anyway I am perfectly fine and sane.

I wish my friend &I more luck and sanity.

living on your shoes

One Saturday morning, while Michael Jackson’s passing intoxicates the whole world still, I woke up to my housemates watching a movie titled, Soul Man.

At first I thought it was a documentary about the King of Pop, but it turned out it was a 1986 romantic comedy film about a well-pampered Caucasian young man, named Mark, who learned that his father won’t support him thru his Harvard schooling anymore. So he decided to usurp the last slot for a scholarship exclusive for black students. He gobbled up tanning pills, darkening his skin tone. And the plan was all set together with his half-idiot best friend.

It was a hilarious film, too indulgent with goodie conversation, the punch lines are not as witty and sarcastic that is common in today’s entertainment, but it delivers pure fun and smart.

The focus of this blog entry is about the chat Mark and his professor as the movie coming to a close.
 
Mark, apologetic for his fraud—by usurping the scholarship, he displaced Sarah, the original student recipient off the list, forcing her to support herself and her little son while schooling—sold everything he owns to pay for the semester he took away from Sarah, he compromised to devout a percentage of his annual income once he graduated to the scholarship foundation, and he promised to do charity work.

The professor noted that Mark, however learned something his professor couldn’t teach, what it likes to be black and how it feels to be an outcast in society where one skin tone is dominant over others.

The professor commended Mark for what he experienced or what he understood.

Mark paused, looked into his professor and remarked that he wasn’t really sure if he understood what it means to be black guy. Because unlike real black people, he had an option that any moment he could always go back where he came from—that is to be a white man again.

project envision

Ang Overhaul MegaProject, na nakadisenyo para i-reverse ang aking pagkabaon sa utang at para i-manage and aking finances ay masasabi ko na satisfactory ang naging result.

Tumakbo ang proyektong ito ng February 2009 hanggang katapusan ng May 2009. Isa sa naisakatuparan nito ay natigil na ako sa kakapeste sa aking dalawang kaibigan na babae na tuwing in between paydays, ay nangungutang ako sa kanila ng either five hundred or isang libo.

Kasali din sa aking na-achieve ay ang pagbabayad ng aking credit cards bills, BDO and HSBC, sa pamamagitan ng pagkuha ng salary loans sa HSBC.

Wala na akong utang sa credit cards as of now. At kahit binuhay ko muli ang HSBC ko (ang BDO tinuluyan ko ng tapusin), 0 balance pa din ako.

In summary, ang mga sumusunod ang aking official list ng kautangan, in amount paid monthly, name of institution at saka end of term ng payment respectively:

P3000 - Chinatrust – October 2011

P4000 – HSBC – September 2010

P600 – SSS – January 2011

Suma total, ang obligations ko monthly sa mga financial institutions ay nasa P7600.

Other Debts:

Utol - P4500
Girl friend A – P1200*
Girl friend A – P1200*
Lupa – P7000

*Sabi ko sa December ko na lang babayaran at magiisang taon na ito hahaha. Sarap ng may kaibigan na pwedeng abusuhin. Joke lang.

Sa pag-iimplement ko ng Overhaul MegaProject, nakapag-open din ako ng savings account sa GE Money Bank.

Status Report:

Ngayong tapos na ang MegaOverhaul Project, ilalabas ko na din ang failures nito.

Dapat ay mag-oopen ako ng dalawang savings account at magseset-up ako ng vanity fund, pero due to circumstances at lack ng self-discipline ay hindi ko ito nagawa.

Ang savings na nabanggit ko ay balak ko sana na mag-ipon para makapag-aral o ma-aacumulate ng enough money para mag-invest or major travel. The other savings is reserved naman as emergency funding, lalo na para sa magulang ko.

Ang vanity fund naman is a kind of reserved fund na kahit papaano, hindi ko mararamdaman na tinitipid ko ang sarili ko. Ito ang  gagamitin ko sa mga simpleng leisure and shopping na naka-budget lang.

Nais ko din sana kumuha ng life insurance pero hindi rin ito nag-materialize.

Medyo magastos pa din ako at ang detailed planning ko na nakasulat sa diary ko ay hindi natupad.

May isa pa akong di kagandahang balita. Ang initial funds sa GE Money Bank ay medyo nag-dwindle na.

Tapos ang pera ko sa kooperatiba dito sa opisina ay nagalaw ko na. Kasi kailangan ko magrenew ng memebership sa gym. Naniniwala ako na health is wealth at lagi akong kandiddato sa mga lung ailments e.g. bronchitis at asthma.

Analysis:

Kung ano ang naging success ng Project MegaOverhaul ay sya naman pagbagsak din ng mga na-achieve ng matapos ito dahil sa aking kapabayaan.

Solution: Project Envision

I’ll be implementing another financial overhaul project at tatawagin ito na Project Envision.

It will starts September 2009 and it will ends December 2010.

Ang goals ng Project Envision is:

- Mamaintain lang ang progress sa pagbabayad ko ng loans. To keep them on track and on schedule.

- Mabayaran ko na ang 2400 na utang ko sa dalawa ko na barkada hehehe at 4500 sa aking kapatid. Pati na rin ang kulang ko na 7000 na pambayad sa lupa.

- Maipatuloy ang paghuhulog ko sa GE Money Bank for emergency.

- Makapagset-up ng ikalawang savings account para panahon na dapat ako mag-aral.

- Ituloy ang vanity fund.

- Kumuha ng life insurance.

- Makabili ng laptop ng di ginagamit ang credit card.

Hindi ko na i-boblog ang detailed plan.. Ii-streamline ko pa ang mga ito para maging maayos at hindi mag-cause ng pressure sa akin, lalo na sa social at love life ko, na pareho yata akong wala hahaha.

Anyway, ang Project Envision ay para talaga makabili ako ng laptop. Nye he he

Bakit? Mahalaga kasing mailipat ko na ang pinagsusulat ko na nobela mula long hand (gamit ang lapis at papel) papunta sa computer. Sa tingin ko naman it will be a good investment in my pursuit of creativity.

Having a neat, flexible and practical financial battle plan that could almost work on its own, will free me of psychological burden that cause by lack of control when it comes to money.

I always believe in abundance still and not just money. I aim to focus more on enjoying the small and big things that matters to me to the fullest with the limited resources I have for now, that I may live every second as if my last one. 

inalienable responsibility

The summit of world richest nations to fix the global economy in the United Kingdom last April 2009, brought multitude of activists to the streets of London. The number of people rallying against the excesses of capitalism organized themselves neatly, making sure their voices heard.

One of the placards I’ve seen on the cable news said, Democracy Ends after You Cast Your Ballot.

There is an appealing candour in this line, especially now our country has less than of a year to change leadership.

In the Presidential election of 2004, I choose for Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. So I voted for her.

It might be unfair to Fernando Poe Jr. but politics was a dog-eats-dog game, personally I don’t want a movie actor running a country. I do like his movies kasi.

Voting for and experiencing the management skills Mrs. Arroyo demonstrated, I am not really satisfied, nothing has changed.

Overwhelming it may seem but Democracy is really at the moment you cast your ballot and choose a leader. We choose leader out of the emotional appeal, about the perceived benefits, not out of his or her human features as a leader, soon logic will catch upon us and realize that the perceived benefits is not the way it was advertised or sales talked before. It was a sad situation if you ask me. Is this something to do also with my pursuit of happiness?

Please go on reading.

For most of us, Democracy means freedom, but however most modern ideologies promote freedom and the innate, unalienable rights of men to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Maybe, just maybe, I have a wrong definition of pursuit of happiness. Next time I vote, I must think of my right to pursuit of happiness.

But I feel sad, because, our leaders are human beings too, hybrid of irrationality and wickedness, offspring of desires and limitations. Their decisions, their accords are theirs alone. I wonder if they also think of “pursuit of happiness.”

Maybe.

But there is such a line like for the common good.

Well for one, we see and hear on the news, presidents going abroad, and luring foreign investors to set up their businesses here. It is a simple medicine that works. Give Filipinos jobs, they will earn money and soon they will be happy. They can go places and buy stuff, send their sons and daughters to schools, etc.

We also pray tributes to our Filipino expats, I think recognizing them as engine of growth of our economy is as just and as fair. We even encourage our fellows to go abroad, it is the same medicine that works, if Filipinos earn money abroad, and soon they will be happy. They can go places and buy stuff, send their sons and daughters to schools, etc.

Our pursuit of happiness, as a right, is not a license for any politician or capitalist to make us feel stupid.

Thriving in corruption, we contracts debts to our children. But is it corruption that is really the culprit? Or is it really our leaders the problem?

Or is it really democracy that fails us? And the excesses of capitalism, are they real abuser of our nation?

I guess none of the above.

Becasue it is my and your lack of love for this country that always brought us to our knees.

And we cannot blame history, what is bygone is bygone; all we can do is identify the dynamics that contribute to our current self-image, and make intelligent use of the things we’ve learned…that our pursuit for happiness is also our pursuit for patriotic identity.

breaking the argunn code

It looks like I’m confused too with my own tags, kaya heto, I took time to lecture myself on how to catalogue my entries.

Tags are the little words we used so it would be easy to find similar topics or entries inside our blogs.

In my case, I got two considerations: first, to classify it according to literature and second, to sort my blogs based on initial impression it has on me.

Argunn’s Library of Congress

This is my own enumeration of resources for my blog, since I am writer in his own right. Lol.^_^

The following indicates my contribution to men’s pursuit of creativeness.

i say
one-liner
essay
novel treatment
poem
short story
photo
missive

Most of these are very self-explanatory, but I’ll explain the reverence of quote and liner tags.

I say tag will be placed on entries when I’m feeling very sage like, or if I feel very proverbial and start dreaming of a monument made of steel be cast after my image. Think Statue of Liberty.

I say could come from old entries where I find a portion of my work quotable, or it could be words I heard from friends or people, that is funny, witty or shocking.

One-liners are anything (except those define by quote) that could be fit in inside a single sentence to a whole paragraph.

Breaking the Argunn Code

When I say emotional attachment, I don’t mean ka-emohan, but rather the impression I left after I scribbled my own words. The following are the tags, that will help to deconstruct that impression.

fiction
dailies
first imagination then

fraction illustrated
greeting cards for no one

life grab
life unfolds

bubble gums
talk on corners

line grab
lyric grab
photo grab

Fiction is a fundamental tag. A very important label particularly if I’m writing a imaginary short stories & missives in a first person point of view. Especially now, people are very good in extrapolating, profiling, introspection (yes readers na ang bahala mag-introspect para sa author), speculation, madam auringation hehe, and blackmail with accurate results. = )

Dailies are simply journal entries, personal rants and raves, that don’t have to be explained in a grand manner like in an essay. It could run from anything that is awe inspiring to the absolutely boring. What is important, it just narrates EVERYDAY life.

First imagination then are ideas that play on my mind and somehow I’m aware could be acted upon. It includes but not limited to dreams, desires and aspiration put into words. What if’s, I wish, and maybes.

Fraction-illustrated is how I romanticize life’s aspects, every so often surreal or poetic, sometimes hunting. The tone it suggests could be very blatant to totally obscure.

Greeting-cards-for-no-one well uhmm solely about the L word. Eeeeh. Lol! This is where I will preserve the L word. This is actually a fraction-illustrated offspring but I decided to separate it from the family. L word is larger than life.

Life grab—these are stories I am trying to immortalized with words. Something I heard, read, witnessed or partly it involved me. Very subjective. Lucky if I could write it objectively, but then why not hehe.

Life unfolds are like life grab that tags about the experiences, the urgency and changes that life presented before my very eyes with pre-emptive judgment. Or it could be like walang kwenta na topic pero kinuwento in super drama special.

Bubble gums dwell on the crazy funny stuff I think amusing to share.

Unlike one liner or quote, talk on corners is like a complete or short transcript of a conversation I’ve had or heard.

The last three are about grabs: line, photo, and lyric.

Line grabs are quotes, phrases and proverbs from other people e.g. authors, philosophers, celebrities, etc that I quoted in verbatim or paraphrased.

Photo grabs are pictures taken from public domain.

Lyric grabs are lyrics I took from the public domain.

I think that would be all. But these are the major tags, maybe as I move beyond, who knows I might add more.

Cheers!