bumalik kung saan ako dati: wala

Anong idadahilan ko sa aking mga pangarap?
Kung nahuli nila akong tinuturuan ang anino sa pader..
Paano iuntog ang sariling ulo; basagin ang sariling mukha.

Anong bibigkasin ko sa mga alikabok sa aking paa?
…na malapit na silang maging putik,
At hindi na muling makakasabay sa paglipad
ng mga saranggola

Kung ipapanganak ko silang muli
Baka magtampo ang mga luha,
Baka hindi na dumaloy,
hindi na ako damayan sa aking pag-iisa.

make us home

The day star in the little fog left
Like me, he was late in the avenue
Choke and sleepy
We don’t like the coffee warm
We like it cold
One that remind of vengeance
We like it sweet
A second chance
After the bitter try

The day star in the stripped sky
I was watching him watching me
It was just a glance, a million dollar smile
Abrupt and innocent
Though we like our smile to remain
We keep it that way
Something called envy
Our lack of content
After the hard try

The day star finishing the half hemisphere
We are both tire as we find our way out
Come undone we struggled
Rhythms of the night and the lovely sight
It belongs to you, it belongs to the moon
What greediness has is enough
Even if we stay
There’s still tomorrow
Hopefully no more try.

Written August 22, 2007 in Makati. The poem is actually about a love gone haywire, but in the end it finds home.

that once I died in my arms..

There are times to recover
Some moments to blame
I caress the cut my wrist

To open it like eyes readying to sleep
It’s the only way, the perfect way

To be carried in your dreams
In full blown beauty
And unearthed youth
No witness could hail

That once I died in my arms..

i remember the boy but…

Something happened today. 

I was sitting quietly on the mountains, actually I was in slumber. For the longest time, I was nothing, darkness and cold, mud embrace with mothers love. I wasn’t complaining it kept me alive.

Outside the carpet of trees, in the forest I heard timbers falling. Tons of dirt overhauled, boulders that pressed my body for thousand of years lifted in few seconds. Life was changing.

At first I thought it was a dream. I thought I’ll never see the sun, I heard of her and her graciousness. I felt her rays and she cuddled me with warmth.

Water washed my body.

Savageness was lost.

My nakedness admired.

I was found. Finally I was found.

For years, the curious explored my body, the way they explored continents and ocean, the way they drilled holes on the earth.

The wind told me, finally metals could fly.

My heart grew fonder.

Maybe I could soar too, like a bird made of steel.

But between the flashes of light and silence of the night, the children of men, figured out my mystery.

It was a revelation to all children of men and most importantly for me.

With speed of light, coupling before my sight, destroying before the substance of my being, the children of men said, great power could be released.

Then I find my cousin being cast around me, a mighty armor, and a tough shell. I had a new name, well finally I had a name.

Then my brother lifted me up in the air, I was so happy, there were clouds and birds, they were flying with me and my brother.

I tried to talk to my brother, but he was not responding.

I found it queer, even I couldn’t hear myself; I realized I was becoming somebody else.

Frozen.

Forsaken.

Just like my brother. I begun to forgot who I am.

In the greatest confusion of my life, my brother suddenly let go of my hand.

I told him not to leave. Oh please don’t leave.

My cousins who were my armor, they were not speaking. I thought they were crying.

On the other side of the world, I listened as the hearts of the children of men stopped.

I look down where I was heading.

I listened to the hearts of children of men in this part of the world, terror flowed in their veins, and ghost flickered in their eyes.

The power…the speed of light…my being…

I kissed the ground, and annihilate the earth that used to nourish me.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”

-Albert Einstein

*In August 06, 1945 the aircraft bomber Enola Gay detonated was called Little Boy in Hiroshima, Japan. It was the first atomic bomb used in civilian population.

In tradition:  2008-August-06, 2007-August-06 

the point vanishing

Again. Alone. Waiting, Knocking doors,
cold coffee, broken traffic lights, and airplanes.

I was reading your lyrics, watching your eyes closed while you sing somebody else’s song,
and the images you draw—you are affected.

Sunsets falling in the mountain, and the trains that cross makes you cry.
Even lone trees and a group of skyscrapers that reached out to heaven
but never kiss the sky compelled you to be sad.

Another sigh, wondering over a basket of apples, and rains rolling down on your window,
and the empty theater seats help you die.

Spilled ink in the paper, autumn leaves, old TV shows:
materials for hopeless knight like you

Can I ask you a question?

Would you tell me?

Why it has to be lonely and still, I mean for silly and hopeless romantic like you,
and still like it?

You see the beauty within but you never removed the painful shell.

Are all silly hopeless romantics sadist like you.

When will it be?

Instead of again, why not enough?

Instead of alone, together?

And instead of waiting, begin to live?

*The Point Vanishing was written September 20, 2006PM. It was a poem inspired by some of the songs and shows I love. Basically thigns that affects. It is also about love.

the last love poem of an insomniac

Look at this world it is changing,
Faster than the snowflakes that dries in your hands and
Kisses that lost warmth, skin that can no longer feel
Writers dying, saying goodbye to love.

Look at my eyes, they are falling asleep,
But cannot be tucked in this poem of somebody else’s dream.
Blossoming someday until the senses recover,
The resurrection and embrace of this silly line of the poet.

Promise me the fence will never grow tall.
Cast the spell that can erase the ocean of its cloud.
But don’t show me the road to be taken.
I have my own way. My love will seek you blind and hopeful.

So this last kiss will commence the change.
The end that truly ends and that means to end,
I wonder why we’re not crying though it is sadness that we exchange.

Ah yes I know now, the world is changing but love will remain the same.

I love you.

I love you so much that I need this sleep.

*written July 12 2006 2pm and I don’t where.

the longest love song

The few lines that stay
Between the heaves and breaks
The common thugs, the undecided pen
Succeeding every spaces and blank stare
Tonight, I’ll be writing the longest love song.

Deep thoughts that were sudden
Flashbacks of prayers granted
The tiny smiles and eyes not-flickered
The silence unbothered
As I collect
The sacredness–
Sacredness redeemed and given
This will be the longest love song of our time.

The breeze strolled two storeys below
My chimney whine, the night slept
Inspiration divine descending onto the paper
The sanctified no longer important
With this thugs, the pen decides
This is no immortal  love song to embody a heart
But the un-noticed hymn of a dying soul..

*Like most of my poems, I forgot to write down the place and date when I first scribbled this one. What transpired then, I was trying to write a lyrical poetry, but nothing came.

the instant pancit canton life

Sometimes I dream of living forever
and the universe is created for me..

Now I realized I might die young but
my body won’t vanished; too many preservatives.

Can I have one shot of the things that can make me real?
Something that will last forever, encapsulated in a moment.

Maybe once I feel the universe is mine.

Let me vanished.

Untraceable.

No more preservatives.

*I named my first blog “the instant pancit canton life”.

Lack of money to buy decent meals inspired the above poem and the defunct blog title. I was living for a day, almost for a week with instant pancit canton sustaining my diet a few years back. When I was mixing the ingredients, and saw the crystal granules I realized I was taking in too much preservative inside my body. Since then I barely eat that food stuff.